Blind Dates

Size matters to Jessie Spano.

Today we have a very special visitor walking the halls of Bayside High. Mr. Belding's niece Penny is in town and it is up to Mr. B to find his mutant spawn a date. It's every uncles duty.

Screech is free, but he's a freak, so Dick wants Zack to take her out, because he is so responsible. When Zack refuses, Mr. Belding takes it upon himself to blackmail a 16 year old boy and all is right with the world! Well not quite...

The night Zack has agreed to take out mutant Penny is also his girlfriend Kelly's radical birthday party and since she'd probably have a problem with him taking out another girl, he schemes and schemes in order to hide it from her. Zack eventually asks Screech to impersonate him and take Penny out.

Side note: Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't Kelly K like the nicest person in the freakin' world. I think she'd understand if Zack just told her the truth, right? Nope, guess not, any who...

While all of this is going on there is another story line involving Jessie, Lisa and a very small man. Lisa wants to set giant Jessie up with her cute neighbor because none of the boys at Bayside want to date a beast. Lucky for Jessie, boys from private schools love em'. She meets Brett and it's love at first awkward catholic school sight until he gets up to leave and (SHOCK)he's a completely average 5'7'', what's a behemoth to do? Jessie refuses to date Brett and has a weird game show fantasies that compare him to Freddy Kruger and Donald Trump, harsh.

And in the end everyone learns that it is not nice to judge people by how tall or short they are, but it's OK to judge them if they're a Belding, cause that's just gross.

BEST QUOTE:
Penny: "He's so hot he makes my teeth sweat."
She's talking about Samuel "Screech" Powers here people!

WHAT THE F*CK MOMENT:
I would bet my life that mutant Penny Belding is not the daughter of sweet Belding brother Rod, so this must mean that there is another Belding sibling out in the world! Oh god, a combination of Rod's awesome mullet and Dick's passion for teaching, I just got chills.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST:
At the end of the episode Penny mentions that her uncle's house is empty and offers to take Screech back there to, you know...bone. Not only does this episode mark Screech's v card being terminated, but it was done so at Mr. Belding's house! They will be forever connected.

I LOVE THE 80S:
Jesse: [Lisa] also thinks that Arsenio Hall is where the Lakers Play.
Lisa is short too, so this makes sense, Jessie discriminates against the "vertically challenged". Bitch.